Being able to decide when to end a creature’s life makes it clear society views our pets as property. It is in truth a huge responsibility. It may seem more logical, more humane than not doing it, but it never feels like the unquestionably correct decision. Just like every other time we had to make this choice, I had to suppress an overwhelming urge to yell, “No, stop!”
Russell, a 14-year-old Lab-terrier mix, had nasal cancer. He was the second of our dogs to develop the disease that vets tell us is extremely rare. Our first clue was droplets of blood falling from his nose and huge sneezes that sometimes slammed his sweet face on the ground.
When he was diagnosed in September, we were told to expect he would have maybe four to six weeks. Without any chemo treatments, he made it past Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then New Year’s.
Russell’s sense of self-confidence meant he was never in a
hurry to walk anywhere. We called it Russell speed. Yell until your face turned
blue or hold out any manner of treat and it didn’t speed up Russell speed.
The combination of his gentle presence and his handsome face
made it impossible to stay angry with him.
In recent years, we have taken “pasture walks” with the
Russell and our 8-year-old Lab, Rosie. This was a loop around the outside perimeter of the llama pasture that
took about 15 minutes, depending on how many new smells we found. One
afternoon, we looked and called and called and looked and couldn’t find the
dogs. Finally, we spotted them at the top of the pasture. When we were too busy
to go for a pasture walk, they decided to take each other.
Russell’s decline was marked by more bleeding, weakened rear
legs and general confusion. He had four seizures, shaking violently for
several minutes. The fear was obvious on his face – and ours. His awareness
seemed to improve after the seizures. He walked with more purpose, rather than
turning left again and again.
He stopped eating. We offered him chicken and rice, baby food,
even Braunschweiger, but he refused them all. He grew thinner and weaker. His
quality of life had diminished greatly and there was no chance it would ever return.
Finally, we agreed it was time.
Our vet, Jim Ziegler, takes in all manner handicapped dogs
and sticks with them until life is no longer a favor. He is kindness embodied.
He agreed it was time.
He came to our house to administer the injections. Russell
was on his favorite bed in front of the fireplace. When it was over, he
appeared to be sleeping where we had seen him 1,000 times. But the reality was
that he is gone from our lives.
His ashes will join those of our other past pets. The memories of this delightfully boring dog will live on in mental images of him circling the pasture, watching for us from the sidelights of the front door or lying in his guard dog spot on a grassy hill. We will encourage those images by retracing his steps – at Russell speed.